Tuesday, May 31, 2011

Poop happens

Did you ever have to poop at work? Is that not the most horrible experience ever? Having celiac I’m resigned to the fact that I have to do it sometimes but it doesn’t change the fact that it sucks! Our bathroom is for faculty and staff only so you need a key to get in. Anytime any of us leave the office with our keys in hand everyone knows where you are going. Most of the time, who cares, you’re in, you’re out, you’re done. But when you are gone for much longer it’s quite obvious. Especially since our office happens to share a wall with the bathroom and you can hear the toilet flush through the wall. There are only two stalls so when you hear a flush every 5 seconds, again, it’s pretty obvious. It also has zero ventilation so smells…linger. Have you ever walked into a 10x10 sweat box that smells like poop? Yeah, it’s not pleasant. And please, I beg you, don’t spray the air freshener that is left by the custodial staff. The only thing worse than a 10x10 sweat box that smells like poop is a 10x10 sweat box that smells like poop and dead flowers.

I don’t know if guys have this issue, because in my experience they are a little less inhibited by bodily functions, but at least in my office it is the 2 ton elephant in the room and I don’t like to be the cause of it. However, in between semesters I have a little trick. You see, there is a bathroom on the next floor down that is open to everyone, no key required, and there isn’t much traffic down there in the summer so I am able to walk out of my office with no keys and have the bathroom to myself. If I’m gone longer than usual my co-workers think I am in another office. No harm, no foul smell.

I don’t know what would be worse, having someone walk into the communal bathroom and you be stuck in the stall waiting for them to leave (which of course will take forever because you know it’s the old lady that has to make sure her seams are straight before she leaves), or having a private bathroom where people have to wait outside for you to be done and then you walk out and they walk in and KNOW it was you!.

Happy first day back from a long weekend!

UPDATE: If you're at work and laughing so hard you cry (and possibly throwing up in your mouth a little at the beginning) would be frowned upon you should not click here. If you do click there don't blame me for being reprimanded by your boss. Fair warning! If, however, you have the all clear go ahead and click here to read my new friend J-Tony's post "Office Memo" from several months ago. You may find it particularly relevant to my post.

(I gave you FOUR opportunities to check out his blog. DO IT! You'll thank me. But again, make sure you can laugh freely first.)


  1. My hubby refuses to go anywhere but home. He'll hold it. All day. I take it where I can get it.


  2. MND: I recommend you read my post Office Memo. You'll have a completly different perspective of men's bathrooms. I blogged about this a couple of months ago. It's horrible where I work, but good luck with that whole pooping thing. :)

  3. Oh man! That's the worst! Although...the absolute worst is when you're walking out of the offensive-smelling bathroom and you pass your boss in the doorway as she's headed in...


  4. Hey, ya gotta do what ya gotta do! Literally. I always find a less-busy bathroom too that I can sort of hide out in when necessary. My question is--why are we so embarrassed to do something that EVERYONE else does too? I mean, do you know anyone who doesn't poop? Thanks for checking out my blog by the way...we are definitely on the same page!

  5. MND...Thanks for the plug...