So I know my next post was supposed to be about LC moving in with
us, but I need to delay it to talk about this weekend. (And the weekend wouldn't have been possible without him so I think it's ok.)
Friday was LC’s nieces birthday. She turned 11 and decided she
wanted to go to Destiny USA and do the ropes course and the Wonder Works
interactive museum. (Yes, it’s as awesome as it sounds.) She had hoped that Bud
and Babe could come too, and although it wasn’t my weekend with them, their
father let me have them for the night so they could join the fun. I am so very
glad we had the opportunity because I learned more about my children in those
few hours than ever before.
They are both always up for fun and adventure, but they are also a
little hesitant to be TOO wild and crazy. I’ve known for a while that Bud isn’t
really scared of heights. I mean, after all, he did climb up the rope swing and
touch the branch that was 40 feet in the air!
So yeah, I knew heights weren't a real big deal for him, but I expected
him to be a little cautious. Because of their height (well, lack of height
really), they were both required to be with an adult. LC took Bud and I took Babe. Once
we were all strapped in, Bud took off up the stairs to the first platform with
LC right behind him. Babe was a little more hesitant as she climbed the big
steps up to the platform. By the time we got up there LC and Bud had done
several of the obstacles already. We waved and I yelled good job and turned my
focus to Babe. She was a little nervous but she was still very excited to do
the “big kid rope course.” The next time I turned to find Bud, he was WAY ahead
and lengthening the distance between him and LC. The boy was on FIRE! He showed
no fear as he navigated obstacle after obstacle! I was so impressed with his
ability to focus (a real problem in other situations) and his strength and
determination with all of the obstacles! I was worried for him, especially because
I wasn’t with him to see how he was doing, but every time I found him, he was
smiling ear to ear and floating across the ropes! His bravery and determination
were a sight to behold!!
Horrible quality but it was the best I could do.
And then Babe. Wow. Just wow. She’s going to be 5 in a couple of
weeks, but this little girl showed you don’t have to be big to show what you
are capable of! As I said, she was nervous at first, and she stayed nervous
throughout, but her inner strength and determination left me in awe! When we
got to the first platform she was scared and holding onto me. I got down with
her and asked her which path she wanted to take first (each platform had a
variety of obstacle choices). She pointed to the one she wanted to take and I
started to move that way. She asked me to hold her arm and I started to get
nervous that she wasn’t going to go through with it, but she put one hesitant foot
out onto the rope, asked if I had her good, and then proceeded to make her way
steadily over the rope. Step by step she made it to the other side, she carefully
stepped onto the platform, and then hugged the support pole for dear life. I
told her she did a great job and that she made me proud and she smiled and
said, “That was scary.” I told her it was a little scary but she did great and
I reassured her that she was harnessed in and I would hold her arm or hand over
I asked which path was next and she made her decision and off we
went. Again, slow and steady she made her way across. At the next platform she
hugged the pole again, but not nearly as desperate this time. Again, I asked
her which one and she told me, I moved to get us in position when she said, “Wait! I just need a minute.” I became nervous again that she was going to
bail, but she took a minute, and then said “Ok, mom, I’m ready.” Off we went.
This is how it continued for the next hour! (Yes, hour!) We’d go over a few
obstacles and she’d need to compose herself again but then she’d be right back
I should mention that through this whole thing I was right on her
heels the entire time, literally. I had to wait for her foot to move so I could
put my foot down. But being right behind her, made it much more unstable as we
crossed the ropes. She weighs next to nothing, but I have, ahem, a few pounds
on her, so I was weighing down the rope and trying to keep my balance while
holding her arm and making sure I didn’t fall myself. A few times I definitely made
the rope shake more than I wanted to but she just bent her knees a little more
and kept going. The girl was AMAZING!!!
As I said, I started out holding onto her arm as we made our way
across, but eventually we got to an obstacle that we needed to go sideways on. I
couldn’t hold her arm and keep myself on the rope, so I told her I’d just hang
onto her harness strap. She was ok with that and we made our way across. Because
she did that so fearlessly, I tried something new on the next one. She asked me
to hold onto her again so I told her I would hold onto the ring at the back of
her harness, she was fine with that. As we made our way across is became
difficult to keep hold of her like that so I let go. I didn’t tell her, of
course, and we made it across with no problem. I did the same thing on the next
one, and the next one, and then I just let her go. And she went. I have never
felt more pride for that child than in that moment. Even though she was scared,
even though she preferred me to hold on, she did it all on her own and did it
I know we all worry for our children and I know we worry that they’ll
be able to handle what life will throw at them. But their resilience and
determination made me a little less anxious and a lot more proud. It may have
been just a small moment in their childhood, but I caught a glimpse of the strong,
successful adults they are going to become and I couldn’t be more proud.
Next let’s move on to something a long time coming and, happily,
now resolved: my divorce. When I say “happily,” I don’t mean that I’m happy to
be divorced. I wish things didn’t go down this way, and I really dislike that
I’m going to have to check “Divorced” on any marital status questions. I wish
that my kids had both their parents in the same house and didn’t have to deal
with everything they now have to deal with. So no, I’m not really happy that
I’m divorced. But I had to get divorced. It couldn’t stay the way it was and
the past wasn’t going to change. I am capable of forgiveness once, but twice,
on something so fundamental, is just beyond my ability. I deserve better. I
deserve to be happy. And now I am.
I am happy to be done with the process
of divorce. Overall, we have kept things very civil during the whole thing and
we didn’t have to take anything to court. We were able to agree to the terms
without making it a legal battle. There were some close calls, some nasty
words, and even some tears, but we’ve come to agreements on everything that
suits us both and I’m confident that we can manage things from here on out. Not
without frustration, of course, but we lead relatively simple lives and neither
of us cares to create unnecessary drama.
I’m still very close to his family. They’ve been incredibly
supportive through this whole thing. They wish that things could have been
different, but they know that maintaining a good relationship with me is vital
to all of us, for the sake of the kids. It’s all going to be ok because that’s
the top priority for all of us. Not only do they provide moral support, they
also provide childcare. They watch our kids every day after school and are so
integral in our kid’s lives. Having a good relationship with them is so key. I’ve
told them for years that we couldn’t do it without them, and nothing has
The main question everyone has is about the kids. How are they
doing? It’s impossible for this situation not to affect them. Babe is too young
to really understand any of it, and she seems to adjust really well. I think
she’s adaptable in general, so that really helps her to deal with what comes.
Bud is struggling a bit more. He’s old enough to remember what it used to be
like. A few weeks ago he told me that he wishes we could all be in the same
house again, me in the kitchen, my ex in the living room and him playing with
his toys. What he doesn’t realize is that I was hiding in the kitchen so I didn’t
have to deal with my ex. And my ex was in the living room ignoring all of us.
But that was “normal” for us and so Bud misses “normal.” I don’t blame him. Our
custody arrangement isn’t the easiest on him either. We split 2 days-2 days-3 days
(ensuring we each have the kids for Friday, Saturday, and Sunday every other
week). It really works for us, but it isn’t so easy for them to be jumping back
and forth between houses. It won’t stay like this, the arrangement will evolve
as our lives evolve and the kids grow older. But for now, this is the best arrangement.
They get to see us an equal amount of time, and that’s very important to all of
us. My ex was a terrible husband, but he’s a very devoted father and I would
never take them away from each other.
To add to the custody struggle, my ex had his girlfriend and two (slightly
older) children move in. I’ve known his girlfriend for years (she was his sister’s
best friend growing up) so they know each other well, and I’ve always gotten
along with her and think she’s a good mom. I also think it’s very important to
have a working relationship with her. It’s in all of our best interests. Plus,
I don’t want to be with my ex in the least, so there is no ill will about it at
all. But now my kids suddenly went from being one of two, to being one of four,
and the transition hasn’t been easy for Bud. He’s struggling to adjust to a new
set of rules in the house he’s lived in for more than half of his life, and he’s
struggling with all the “stuff” that she’s brought into the house. He says that
she moved in and took over the house. That’s hard for a 7 year old to deal
with. I think part of the reason he’s struggling so much is that he’s not as
adaptable as Babe. I don’t think her “new rules” are unreasonable, and of
course she moved her stuff in. But he doesn’t like that we aren’t together
anymore and he can’t get past that to be accepting of all the change. I can’t
say I blame him. I just feel awful that I can’t do anything to change it for
With all these changes, he’s beginning to have difficulty at
school. He’s the smartest boy around, he has no trouble learning, but his focus
is non-existent. If the teacher isn’t right on him all the time he does
everything but his work. His teacher can’t
be on top of him all the time though. We are working with the school to figure out
what we can do to help the situation. We’ll see what happens there.
Outside of school he’s doing very well. He is a happy boy and is
so damn smart! I have a hard time keeping up with him sometimes! Thank God for
Google! He is old enough now to do a lot of things on his own. He makes himself
breakfast most mornings (meaning mama gets to sleep in a few extra minutes…holla!!!!)
and then he brushes his teeth without being told. I still pick out his clothes because
I prefer he not look like a homeless
person, but once his clothes are out he dresses himself. It’s a glorious thing.
And we’ve become much closer with all that’s going on. We’ve had some really
great conversations and I think that’s helped both of us handle some of the
rougher aspects. He’s such a good kid. I know he’ll be ok, but I also have to
make sure I keep on top of things so I don’t lose him. I’m not too worried.
So let’s leave this part here. I’m divorced. Now on to the next
A lot has happened in the time I’ve been away. My Italy trip was
AMAZING, I’m officially divorced, my boyfriend moved in, and my mother has one
less breast than she had at the time of my last post. I have so much to say so
I’m going to break this up into a few posts but I need to start with my mom.
My mom was diagnosed with breast cancer in February. Hell of a
Valentine’s Day phone call to receive! I knew she was getting a biopsy for a “suspicious
spot” but I honestly wasn’t concerned. When she called to tell me they found
cancer my world did one of those special-effect things where everything goes
really far away and I was almost outside my body. I believe that’s called fear.
The scariest part was the fear I heard in my mother’s voice. She’s incredibly
practical and logical and to hear her becoming panicky was something I can’t
describe. I honestly don’t remember the conversation, everything was a blur. A
couple of weeks ago she told me that I did a really good job of calming her
down during that call. I’m really glad I was able to do that for her, but I don’t
remember a word of it.
Next came more testing and waiting. She had another biopsy to
determine if she needed a mastectomy or could get by with a lumpectomy. She was
really hoping there wouldn’t be any more spots and she would be able to just
have a lumpectomy. The results: more cancer in a different part of her breast. Mastectomy
it is. To throw an added wrinkle in the
story. We were about 6 weeks away from our Italy trip. Does she have to miss
the trip? Can she recover in time? Or…can it wait? It seems like such a trivial
thing to worry about, but it wasn’t. The trip was an all-girls trip, comprised
of family and close friends. Ten of us in all, exploring Sicily and sharing an
experience that cannot be duplicated. More on the trip itself later, but my mom
brought it up to the doctors. They told her they caught it early, very early,
so if she wanted to put it off for a few more weeks it would be ok! We all
breathed a sigh of relief. Cancer is a bitch to begin with, but don’t start
messing with our trip of a lifetime!
Then came the hard decision of which doctor to choose, and the
harder decision of whether she wanted to have one breast or both removed. So
many woman have both removed, even though cancer is not in the other breast. It’s
done for cosmetic reasons only, the chance of getting it in the other breast
isn’t any higher than getting it in another part of the body, but it’s a very
personal decision. Each woman has to do what is right for her, and there’s not
always a clear answer. After much deliberation and discussion with suvivors who’ve
been through it, she finally decided on her team of doctors (one to remove the
breast and another to do the reconstruction after) and she finally decided to
only have one removed. Neither was an easy decision.
The day before the surgery I went down to be with her. She was
scared. Have you ever seen your parent scared? It’s not easy. But I did my best
to keep her in good spirits and distract her from what was to come. Her surgery
lasted about 4 hours total (to remove the breast and then to have the expanders
inserted to begin the reconstruction process). My dad and I waited in the
waiting room and they called us back to give updates after each part of the
surgery. The best news we had received was that they tested her lymph nodes in
the process and they came back clean! The cancer wasn’t spreading to other
parts of her body! Once she came out of surgery we were able to see her in
recovery. THAT was an experience! She was supposed to spend an hour or two there
and then be moved to her room where she’d stay the night. They kept saying they’d
be moving her soon. After 4 hours they said it was a shift change for the
nurses so it was going to be a while longer. Two hours later the nurses in
recovery were on the phone to the cancer floor demanding to know why my mom was
STILL there. The cancer floor was understaffed and they didn’t have a bed ready
for her yet. She finally made it up there and was given the first-class
upgrade! Her private room was nicer than any 5-star hotel and her view of the
59th Street bridge was amazing!! It was worth the wait!
She spent one night there and we took her home by noon the next
day. She was given exercises to do (to prevent her shoulder from locking and to
keep her range of motion) and we were given instructions on how to care for the
drain that helps remove all the gunk that accumulates after surgery.
I was able to stay a few more days and then had to go back to work
for commencement. College graduation waits for no man or woman who works
hard to help organize and distribute diplomas to the graduates! My boss was
so understanding and would have let me skip it, except that we are short
staffed and I just had to be there. But I headed back to my mom’s the next day
and spent several more days trying to get my mom to sit down and relax and not
do too much. Do you know what it’s like trying to prevent your mother from
taking care of chores and doing little odd jobs around the house? It ain’t
It’s been 3 weeks since her surgery and she’s making a good
recovery. There are ups and downs, both physical and emotional. I think the
emotional piece has been the hardest for her. She didn’t want this to happen
(who does?) and it’s really a grieving process to get through it. I think she’s
overcome the hardest parts (I hope anyway) and she continues to be a fighter
and be strong.
To be honest, I haven’t worried a whole lot through this whole thing. I guess I just know that my mom will fight however hard she needs to. There’s a reason I’m capable of overcoming all the obstacles in my life, and I thank God every day that I’m becoming more and more like her and that I have the pleasure of still having her here to help me through my stuff, even while she’s fighting her own battle. I don’t mean to imply I’m not worried at all, just that in the back of my mind I know she’s going to be fine. She’s a fighter and she will survive.
Dudes! I'm heading to Italy! Like right now! I'm writing this in the airport! I have to take a flight to NYC to meet my mom and one aunt and one cousin and then we fly into Rome before our final destination in Sicily! We'll be meeting up with more fabulous ladies...10 of us in all, and we'll be staying in an Oceanside villa for a whole week! Jealous yet? :-) I was hoping to post some pictures here but my iPad is not cooperating so I'm hoping you can view them from these links. These are pics from the website of the place we are staying! You can expect a plethora of my own pics of this view soon! Picture 1 Picture 2 Arrivederci peeps! Lily
One of my best friends teaches line dancing every week. I rarely go but I do enjoy it when I do. For a variety of reasons, I decided to go last week. I knew Babe would enjoy it and Bud was excited about the prospect of running around on the auditorium stage. This is the outfit Babe wore when we went...
Babe inherited her ability and love of dance from someone else, no question, because she did GREAT for never having done it before! But, as expected, she got a little tired of it after about 3 songs and went to play with Bud. But this post isn't really about line dancing, nor about my daughter's stellar outfit choices. It's about Bud. Because what happened when we were leaving is when the real story began. I finished dancing and went to round up the kids in the gym. They had been playing with LC's niece (Oh, I should mention that LC is what I will use to refer to my boyfriend) so they had played an invigorating game of tag and all sorts of other games that left them hot and sweaty. When I went in both kids had their shirts and socks off. It was an especially attractive look on Babe with that crazy skirt! As I walked in, Bud saw me and, being the monkey he is, scrambled up some mats that were rolled up in the corner. I WISH I had my camera to record what happened next...but I didn't so you'll have to settle for my awful reenactments using a drawing app on my iPad. So I walked into the gym to find him like this...
And because his effortless climbing skills always amaze me I started to fumble for my iPad so I could tell him to do it again so I could catch it on video. I wrestled my iPad out of my bag, got the camera up and ready, looked up and Bud was GONE! WTF? Until I realized...
Yeah, he was IN the mat!
As soon as I got to the mat, I knew the only way to get him out was to tip him over. It was a big mat! (Please note: my drawing-to-scale skills are nonexistent) So I told him what I was going to do, reached up, grabbed a hold of the mat, and tipped him over.
As I let go of the mat I told him to crawl out...but what I didn't count on was that the heavy mat would compress...effectively squishing him inside and FREAKING HIM OUT!!!
So I quickly struggled to picked the mat back up and rested it on my knees and told him to slide out of the bottom. Except that he was in full panic mode and all he kept saying was I'm stuck! I'm stuck! HELP!!! So I told him to give me his hands. You know what? He was STUCK!! Because he didn't have a shirt on and was sweaty, and now panicky, he was completely stuck to the inside! I pulled and pulled!
For privacy sake I’m not going to go into full details, but what is
helpful to know is that I used to be best friends with someone until she
completely betrayed my trust in one of the worst possible ways. At the time I
really wanted to put it behind us and remain friends. I tried, but I just couldn’t.
It was too raw and even though rational me said it was ok to forgive and
forget, emotional me was all “Nut uh girl! She best be steppin!”
almosta year now and I’ve seen her a
time or two but it was in passing and that was it. The hard part about this
whole thing is that her son and Bud are best friends. Best, best, best friends!
And this year they aren’t in the same class so they barely see each other at
school and they don’t get to hang out outside of school either. As hurt as I
was that still made me feel bad for the kids. They can’t control any of that
and I hated to see them pay for it.
No one has ever faulted me for ending the friendship, in fact
people thought I was crazy to even try to make it work. But, last night I saw
her at the local ice cream place (ironically, the same place we met for the
first time several years ago) and we chatted for a bit. I felt like I was meeting a past lover who I never got over. I realized how much I missed her!
She’s fun and spontaneous, but also a planner, and we get along so well with no
effort at all.
I think I want to try to start up our friendship again. Part of me is
excited at the prospect of having her as a friend again. The other part screams
that I’m an idiot and if she could hurt me that badly once, she’s not going to
hesitate to do it again. Am I just setting myself up for more pain? Or should I
forgive her and move on? Maybe I’ve already forgiven her. Her actions were a
catalyst for other things but they certainly weren’t the “reason” things went
down the way they did. Maybe I should even thank her, because really everything
has worked out for the best. I think maybe it will be easier to forgive than
forget. But I think it might be worth a shot. I’m pretty sure we won’t ever be
as close as we once were, but I think that’s ok. It will just be nice to have
an old friend back, and someone to take excursions to the zoo with, and all the
other things that I’m so bad about doing. So I think I’ll try to
forgive…and if I’m lucky, even forget.
Bud is obsessed with money. We play Monopoly in every spare minute
and all he wants to do (and all he does…the little jerk) is land on free
parking. He constantly talks about how much money he has saved and what he can
buy with it. We had a conversation in the car about who was on what bills. I,
shamefully, didn’t know very many so when we got home he asked if we could google
it. Did you know there is a $100,000 bill? He said he wanted it. I told him so
did I! He asked if we could play the lotto, and then quickly added that if we
win I should give all the money to him because it was his idea. Money, money,
money, money, money.
A couple of weeks ago when my mom was up for a visit, he asked her
to play bank. He was “buying and selling” cars and was giving pretty accurate
values to my mom. But the piѐce de rѐsistance was this weekend when he went to
a birthday party at the local, in-door mini-golf place. I dropped him off, and
like any good mom, I hightailed it out of there so I didn’t have to socialize.
When I went back to pick him up the birthday boy’s mom informed me that Ryan
had a dollar in his pocket for winning a round of mini-golf. I didn’t think
much of it and I told him I was proud of him for playing so well that he won a
prize! Until we got into the car and I got the full story: He challenged the
mom to a round of mini-golf and bet her money that he could beat her. They got
done, after he sufficiently whipped her, where she proceeded to try to give him
a “gold doubloon” (fake gold coin) as his winnings. He told her that he meant
the bet to be a real dollar…not fake
money! (The very notion!) He went on
to say that he was glad he won because he didn’t actually have any money on
him, but he felt good about the bet anyway because he was pretty sure he’d win.
Bud…coming to the a local OTB near you!
Being away from my blog for so long, I’ve accumulated a lot of
pictures that I don’t want to get lost in the shuffle of life, so I’m going to
post them here. So here’s some things that have happened in the last few
Bud has been in to muscles and working out and fitness lately. It's extremely funny while also awesome! He started watching You Tube tutorials of different workouts and was asking me questions on different types of workouts. I taught him how to do a plank and he got to the point where he could hold it for 6 minutes! Have you ever tried to hold a plank for 1 minute?? I have NO idea how he made it to 6!!! But, it was hilarious afterwards because his core was so sore! The next day he said he was still sore and he informed me he would NOT be holding it for 6 minutes anymore! I told him I thought that was a good idea!
Here's him in a montage of You Tube guided awesomeness...
Note the appearance of the snowman blanket? The wood floor was too hard and my exercise mat was at work so he improvised! He's doing leg lifts. He increased the difficulty by being up on his arms, as described by his You Tube tutorial!
But my most favorite story...and I SO WISH I had a picture of it...is from a few weeks ago when I took the kids to volleyball with me. They were so good playing on the sidelines and just hanging out. We were in between plays and I looked over and Bud was doing push ups on the sidelines. He didn't realize we were all watching him and all of sudden, very nonchalantly, he lifted up his left arm and put it behind his back and started to rep out ONE-ARMED PUSH UPS!!!!!!!!!! WTF????????? It was AMAZING! We were all going nuts watching him but he still didn't know we were paying attention to him. He did about 5 before he went back to two-armed ones. It was insane! The boy's got some talent!
Speaking of volleyball, a couple of months ago I brought my camera to one of our games and had Boyfriend's nephew take pictures as we played. He captured one of my favorite sequences of me and Boyfriend. You can see I was going for the ball before he called me off...
Now let's get to a little Babe. Her facial expressions and mannerisms are so expressive and hilarious! Never a dull moment for sure! She wanted me to play school with her but I was cooking dinner. I asked if we could play in the kitchen and she thought that was a great idea as she could take the opportunity to teach me how to cook!
That last face is my favorite!! "Any questions?"
And finally, like much of the country (except for my friends in the Northwest that NEVER get snow accumulation), we have been dumped on by snow. Most of the snow has also been accompanied by bitter cold temps so we really haven't had much chance to take advantage of the accumulation. But a couple of weekends ago we got a fresh dump and we took advantage of it! We went to the skate park right near our apartment and we had a lot of fun!!
Love these two!!
I will leave you with my favorite video of Babe EVER! Just an impromptu dance party in Wal-Mart! There is no music playing anywhere...she's just got her own beat going!
I didn't have all three girls today so when I got out of my class I picked up Babe and we went to Bud's school to surprise him and eat lunch with him. It was really fun to sit with him and to see his friends and have them call me Bud's mom the whole time. "Hey Bud's mom, I'm eating a peanut butter and jelly sandwich!" "Hey Bud's mom, I have the same name as Babe but I'm a boy!" (That last one makes for some very interesting conversations when Bud gets home and talks about that boy but we think he's talking about Babe.) I so rarely have a day off when the kids are in school so it was really great to be able to stop in and surprise him like that. I think it meant as much to him as it did to me! And I know Babe liked it too! Bud was excited to show me how things worked in the cafeteria and he strutted around like he owned the place. I don't often get to see him in that capacity and it makes my heart swell. He's still quiet and unassuming, but he's also confident and smart. Since I don't get to see him at school or very much with random kids, I just have to trust that he gets along well and handles things the way he should. And he does. He has a lot of friends and he's nice to everyone. It really makes a mother proud! And as I sat there and watched Bud interact with his classmates, it really hit me how grown up he is getting. He's also letting his hair grow out and it makes him look much older than when it's shaved. He's 7. When the frick did that happen? I vividly remember second grade so how is it possible that my offspring is now in that grade, when I just finished it not too long ago? It was just the other day, wasn't it? This was definitely a special day and I'm really glad I had the opportunity to make it happen! Lily