Wednesday, August 21, 2013

Great Friends and a Great Fair

So my Great Friends Smidge and Jamalee are coming up to visit this weekend and I can’t wait! These two wacky girls are exactly what I need right now!

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See! Can't you just tell they are a good time waiting to happen? 

And the best part is it coincides perfectly with The Great New York State fair! They came with me to the Fair a few years ago and we had a GREAT time and I’m expecting this time to be just as great!

As part of promoting the Fair I was provided two free tickets and will be writing a recap of my experience after the weekend. (Two blog posts in less than 7 days! CRAZY!) I have failed miserably at give-away's on this blog so I'm not doing that this year but free tickets for my obligatory trip the the New York State Fair is just too good an offer to pass up!

So if you are in the Syracuse, NY area in the next couple of weeks be sure to stop by the Fair. It runs August 22 - September 2 so there is plenty of time for you to make plans! Just sayin!


In other news...

If you follow me on Instagram you know I moved into an apartment this past weekend. Thank goodness for friends with pickups, trailers, and large muscles willing to help! We were able to get everything in one trip and had it all in the apartment by 2pm! That left plenty of time for me to start organizing and unpacking! It's rough going from a 5 bedroom house to a 2 bedroom apartment but so far it's all working. The kids like their new room and the apartment is light and airy and I think it's a good space for us! I'm going to have to acclimate to going to a laundry mat (UGH!) and figure out how to bathe the kids with no tub (thank goodness they are little!) but those are things I can work around. At least I don't have to drag my laundry down to the river and beat it against a rock! It could always be worse! :-)

So more to come in another few days after I do stuff worth talking about!!


Thursday, August 8, 2013

Times they are a changin

I knew going in (everyone knows going in, right?) that there would be a lot of changes taking place with this divorce. Change is fine, I’m ok with change, but executing change…that isn’t always easy. It’s the little things that are hardest. One of the hardest habits for me to break is saying “we” instead of “I.” I’ve been a “we” for so long, my entire world as I’ve known it for the past 8+ years has been “we.” And we really were a “we.” We did everything together and it was truly “what’s mine is yours” and also mine…don’t TOUCH my food. But now it’s not “we.” Now it’s “me” or “I” but I still say “we” and I can’t seem to break it. “Oh! We like that movie so much!” “Yes, we eat there all the time!” “Whenever we go there we do that too!” “We have that in our house and love it!” I’m hoping it gets better when I’m in my own apartment and not “our” house anymore. 

Which brings me to my next topic of change…my new apartment. I’m moving to an apartment in a couple of weeks. He won’t find an apartment and the current living arrangement isn’t working for me and is only confusing the kids so it was time for me to suck it up and get an apartment. I’m really sad about leaving my house and that’s all I’m going to say about that.

The other hard part is what to call him and his family now. Technically we are not divorced yet so he’s still my “husband” and calling him my “ex-husband” doesn’t sound quite right. It will, when the divorce is official, but now it just doesn’t feel right because it’s not official. But calling him my husband also isn’t right. I need a word for this in-between stage. My children’s father? (Which just makes it sound like he’s my baby daddy and…just no.) My future ex-husband? That guy? And what about his parents? We live in a small town and having their last name means I get a lot of “Are you related to them?” My usual answer of “Yes, I’m their daughter-in-law” doesn’t seem right anymore. But it also doesn’t seem right not to say I’m their daughter-in-law. They are so kind to me and have been incredibly supportive of me and continue to welcome me into their home with no weirdness. So I really don’t want to say I’m not their daughter-in-law. And I definitely don’t want to say I’m their ex-daughter-in-law. It sounds kind of cruel to me. A few times I’ve said “my soon-to-be ex-husband” or “my soon-to-be ex-in-laws” but that’s just awkward and then makes the person I’m talking to REALLY uncomfortable so I try not to use that one too often. I’m not looking for pity and that one invites it. So I’m in this weird limbo stage where I don’t have a good answer for anything and everything I say sounds weird and not right.

I will most certainly get through it all, but navigating through it isn’t easy and the feeling of being lost can sometimes be overwhelming. But change is a part of life
an even bigger part now that I’ll have to be doing my laundry at the laundry mat. Time to save up my change to plunk into the washer and dryer. This too shall pass.


Saturday, August 3, 2013

8 Things...because apparently 10 is too many

My writing mojo is playing an excellent game of hide and seek. And I'm not talking about the type of hide and seek that I play with Babe (MOM...COME FIND ME. I'M HIDING BEHIND THE COUCH BUT PRETEND YOU CAN'T FIND ME!!!!) More like...close your eyes and I'll hide [person leaves the house completely]. I want to write, but I can't find anything to say. Or when I do it's either not post-able (much to private) or...yeah, that's it...much too private. 

I know a good part of the problem is I'm in a wildly reflective mood lately and there are some things better not posted. The other part is that I'm trying hard to get through each day without falling to pieces. Because of my reflective mood I'm analyzing every aspect of every relationship I've ever had; it does not make for a positive outlook. Today I'm pretty sure I'm not cut out for marriage. I'm selfish and particular. Those qualities don't make for a good relationship. And my kids. I don't want my kids to see me in another relationship that fails. They are at such an impressionable age and I don't want them to think that relationships are meant to end. (I know, I know, some relationships are better ended but that's not the point here.)

So anyway, writing has been hard. But I want to. So I decided to google "blog prompts." Yeah, even that didn't help. So I thought I should write a list. Lists are fun and easy and even I can do it! However, my thought process is so jumbled that I can't even think of a topic. Basically all I have is random thoughts so that's what I'm going to go with...

10 8 Random Thoughts

1. I need to stop changing myself to fit what I think other people want. 

2. I need to start living in the moment rather than worrying about the future.

3. I have to start letting myself believe that I have a lot to offer.

4. I think that being responsible for house cleaning is the worst thing about being an adult.

5. I found that living without cable or a regular cell phone out of necessity is harder than it should be.

6. Sometimes the thought of starting my life over literally paralyzes me for a few seconds. 

7. If it weren't for volleyball these last few months I don't know that I would be able to function as well as I have.

8. I want to write 10 things but I can't come up with that many so yeah, 8 it is.

Writing mojo, I miss you!