Poop happens

Did you ever have to poop at work? Is that not the most horrible experience ever? Having celiac I’m resigned to the fact that I have to do it sometimes but it doesn’t change the fact that it sucks! Our bathroom is for faculty and staff only so you need a key to get in. Anytime any of us leave the office with our keys in hand everyone knows where you are going. Most of the time, who cares, you’re in, you’re out, you’re done. But when you are gone for much longer it’s quite obvious. Especially since our office happens to share a wall with the bathroom and you can hear the toilet flush through the wall. There are only two stalls so when you hear a flush every 5 seconds, again, it’s pretty obvious. It also has zero ventilation so smells…linger. Have you ever walked into a 10x10 sweat box that smells like poop? Yeah, it’s not pleasant. And please, I beg you, don’t spray the air freshener that is left by the custodial staff. The only thing worse than a 10x10 sweat box that smells like poop is a 10x10 sweat box that smells like poop and dead flowers.

I don’t know if guys have this issue, because in my experience they are a little less inhibited by bodily functions, but at least in my office it is the 2 ton elephant in the room and I don’t like to be the cause of it. However, in between semesters I have a little trick. You see, there is a bathroom on the next floor down that is open to everyone, no key required, and there isn’t much traffic down there in the summer so I am able to walk out of my office with no keys and have the bathroom to myself. If I’m gone longer than usual my co-workers think I am in another office. No harm, no foul smell.

I don’t know what would be worse, having someone walk into the communal bathroom and you be stuck in the stall waiting for them to leave (which of course will take forever because you know it’s the old lady that has to make sure her seams are straight before she leaves), or having a private bathroom where people have to wait outside for you to be done and then you walk out and they walk in and KNOW it was you!.

Happy first day back from a long weekend!

*********
UPDATE: If you're at work and laughing so hard you cry (and possibly throwing up in your mouth a little at the beginning) would be frowned upon you should not click here. If you do click there don't blame me for being reprimanded by your boss. Fair warning! If, however, you have the all clear go ahead and click here to read my new friend J-Tony's post "Office Memo" from several months ago. You may find it particularly relevant to my post.


(I gave you FOUR opportunities to check out his blog. DO IT! You'll thank me. But again, make sure you can laugh freely first.)

Happy Memorial Day

My husband and I are not planners, we are go alongers (I don’t care if that’s not a word, I’m making it one). And being the go alongers that we are we having nothing planned for this Memorial Day weekend because no one we know has invited us to do anything. It’s very sad really but what are you going to do? (Doing something would require planning and I think I’ve covered that well enough to know that’s not going to happen.)

Don’t get me wrong, we won’t be sitting at home glued to the TV or anything (although maybe we should because we have a lot of DVR catching up to do.) We’ll get to the park, and take walks, and work on the house, stuff like that but there will be no big parties for us. Unless you count spackling the dining room a party because then I think we may just have the biggest shindig of the year! Everyone is welcome to come over and help!! BYOFM&PK (Bring Your Own Face Mask and Putty Knife, of course)

What about everyone else? How are you celebrating?

Thank you veterans and those still serving for protecting our country and giving me and my family our freedom!

Onward and upward!

So last night Bud graduated from Pre-k. We sat and listened to him and his classmates sing graduation songs. Wait, that’s not entirely accurate. We sat and listened to Bud’s teacher sing the graduation songs because I think some of the kids may have been moving their lips but they sure as heck weren’t making any sound. We also listened to them count to 100. That was excruciating! But regardless, they were all very cute and we all laughed and applauded them.

BUT THE BEST PART because I’m super competitive and my kid is smarter than yours* was when the teacher handed Bud his diploma and then she turned to the crowd and told everyone “If anyone has any questions about Geography, they can just ask Bud because he knows everything there is to know about it.” (Insert fist-pumping smiley face here) See, the reason this is so great is that she didn’t make any comments about the other kids, just mine! Yay for me, um, I mean Bud!  I am very proud of him! (In case you couldn’t guess.) 

Oh, and for the record, he definitely picked his nose while he was standing on stage, along with karate chopping the classmate next to him and doing the Crane move from Karate Kid, as well as some other kung-fu type moves the entire time. Kindergarten here we come!

*Don't worry, I would never say that to your face.

Is this a warning sign?

Babe was being very quiet and then I heard some scraping noises so I went to investigate. I found her in the dining room (that's still in the process of being renovated) and she had her diaper off, pants around her ankles, and she was sweeping the floor. 


She's never going to bring boyfriends around to visit because we have WAY too many blackmail pictures of her!!

Advice please

Ok, I need a little advise from any moms (or dads, but I don’t think I have any dad readers yet and if I do why are you not commenting? Go ahead, don’t be shy! I love comments!) who have been through this before. Bud turns 5 in July and I have to start getting his party organized. I’m thinking of doing it at our local park because they have a pavilion and it’s next to the swing sets (it’s not at my house and there is a playground, need I say more?).

My need for advice comes from the fact that I don’t know what to do about Bud’s classmates. Do I need to invite all of his classmates (keep in mind he goes to two Pre-K programs)? I’ll definitely be inviting a few of them because I know their mom’s from t-ball and just being around town but do I have to invite ALL of the kids? I don’t even know who he’s friends with (I’m super involved, can’t you tell!) and I can’t exactly ask him because he’s a fair weather friend. He’s not friends with one kid right now because Bud wanted cold sand and the other kid wanted warm sand. (I don’t even know what this means but is apparently a big enough deal to end a friendship.)

As you may be able to tell, I really don’t want to invite all of his classmates and I’m basically looking for people to tell me that it’s totally ok to play favorites or that I’d better suck it up and invite everyone otherwise I’ll go down in bad mommy history (I’m already heading there I don’t need a violent shove by not having the proper etiquette).

So what say you faithful readers?

Who knew!

I take a water bottle with me to work every day and I use it at home too. Basically if I had to pour myself a glass of water every time I just wouldn’t do it. (Yeah, I’m that lazy) So I use it every day, all day and basically it hardly ever gets washed (cause I’m gross like that) so last night I decided to be good and put it in my dishwasher. Oh and I should mention that I always leave lipstick marks on it. I try to wipe it off every so often but mostly I just don’t care (again, I’m gross like that). So last night I put it in the dishwasher and grabbed it and filled it this morning and just went to take a drink out of it and I saw that my lipstick marks were still there. Except now it is fused to the rim and I can’t get it off! See, this is why being lazy is better. Eventually I would have just wiped it off and it would have been fine but nooooo, I have to go and be all efficient and put it in the dishwasher and now I have permanent lipstick marks! Somehow I think this is worse. Because drinking out of it with removable lipstick marks didn’t bother me but fused lipstick marks freak me out. Someone once told me I’m a little crazy. I don’t know what they were talking about!

Yeah, I liked them

Anytime I find a new gluten free (GF) bakery item I get INCREDIBLY excited! That being said, my world has gotten a whole lot brighter because my mom has become friends with a woman who owns a bakery and has a daughter with celiac so she sells some GF stuff!!!! (Thank you mom for making friends with her. You are officially the Best. Mom. Ever.)

This weekend she tried a new recipe for me. Eclairs! ECLAIRS PEOPLE! I haven’t had an éclair in over 6 years! Do you know what that’s like for an Italian American lover of pastry????? Let’s just say I’m a little excited that I get to have them again! It’s unfortunate that the bakery is in Connecticut and I’m not, but I’ll get by. I have about 2 dozen in my freezer right now so I can have a little piece of heaven anytime I want!

The bakery lady asked for an honest critique because she doesn’t want to sell crap in her bakery (fair enough) but she’s crap free as far as I’m concerned! They were SO amazing I had to hold back tears. I’m serious! I was getting a little misty with the pure pleasure! I’d say that’s a winning recipe! So thank you bakery lady for bringing some joy to my joy-less eating adventures! 

(yeah, looks like that "eating healthier" thing is going to have to wait until these babies aren't haunting me from my freezer.)