What's that sound? It's my youth slipping away...

Do you think it’s time to buy new workout clothes when you put on your shorts and can hear the elastic disintegrating? When your shorts are older than both of your kids combined it’s probably time to splurge at Wal-Mart and buy another pair! Why do I still feel guilty spending the money when it’s obvious they are sooo past their prime? Plus the fact that every pair of workout shorts I own has my college insignia on it and umm, it’s been seven years since I graduated. Just because my father is still able to fit into his high school track uniform (I KNOW! Don’t you want to SMACK him!!!) doesn’t mean I need to save gym shorts from 2004! I fear every time I go to spike a ball (I play volleyball during lunch) that when I land my shorts will no longer be around my waist!! Right now my options for shorts are ones I have to hold up or shorts that are so short I’d be embarrassed to step outside the locker room (yeah, my pre-baby body was much more forgiving!) I hate to shop but I think it’s time to suck it up and splurge for a new pair!

While I’m there I should probably buy new dress pants too. Having to wear my belly band from when I was pregnant because my pants won’t button is a good sign that either I need to start working out hard core (hahahahahaha!) or I need to suck it up and buy a bigger size. Is it a problem that I still wear my maternity underwear too? My youngest is only turning two in July…

Buggin out!

Allow me to set the scene for you. Babe is whiny and wanted to be held the entire time…only by me. She’s wearing Bud’s pajamas (backwards – including his underwear) from the night before that I had neglected to bring upstairs and out of her reach. I believe her clothes were strewn about on the kitchen floor. I had to bring in the rose bush because we live in Central NY and even though it might reach 79 degrees during the day it doesn’t mean there won’t be frost that night. Because she won’t let me put her down I take her outside with me. This makes her happy enough for me to set her down on the steps while I put the rose bush in the garage. As I return to get her she starts FREAKING out. I mean totally going nuts and crying and shaking! You would have thought she was being poked with a hot iron! She had sheer terror on her face like I’ve never seen before. I didn’t know what was wrong! Then I realize she’s pointing to her leg so I looked. She had an ant on her. An ant. And not even one of the big nasty looking ones. This was hardly visible. But with her super x-ray baby vision she saw it and almost had an aneurysm! I flicked it off as she scrambled into my arms trembling! The poor kid! I can’t imagine what she would do with a spider!

Which leads me into this…Bud doesn’t like bugs either. I don’t blame him, I certainly don’t either but I don’t freak out because I don’t want the kids to freak out. (Yes, that’s the only thing that keeps me from freaking out…whatever works!) Right now we have these massive hairy spiders that are popping up every now and then. They are GROSS! Of course I only see them when my husband isn’t around so I am the one who has to deal with them. (Otherwise you better believe I scream my head off until he comes running to take care of it! That’s why I got married! So I don’t have to be spider killer! Sophomore year of college my roommate and I had a spider in our closet on move-in day. We sprayed it with Windex until it drowned and there it sat until we got someone else to get it.) The other day I saw one in the dining room and I knew that if I went into the closet to get the Swiffer (who says those things are just for cleaning floors? Attach a paper towel to it and it makes an excellent spider killing apparatus!) it would disappear before I got back. I asked Bud to stand there and watch it so it didn’t escape. I thought he would cooperate because he hates them as much as me and the thought of seeing one and then not knowing where it went is almost as traumatic as having one on me! So I asked him nicely and I was met with a stare that only said one thing “Are you on crack lady?” He hightailed it out of there so fast! So much for all that “teamwork” I thought the Wonder Pets were teaching him!!

Do you have an opinion for a title for this post?

I find it terribly inconvenient that I have some of my best blog post ideas in the bathroom. I don’t even mean when I’m in there long (because a long trip would involve a book and then I’m not thinking about blogging). I mean just a quick trip. I’ll have a wonderful idea about what to write and I’ll remind myself over and over not to forget but invariably in the 20 steps from the bathroom to my computer POOF it’s gone. I don’t even realize the thread of thought is slipping away until I try to remember it. I just had the BEST idea. I’d like share it with you but it’s down the rabbit hole never to be seen or heard from again. Take my word for it though, it would have been a GREAT post. Unfortunately there’s a large gap between my ears 1^st place and runner up. You get this instead.

Do you ever ask someone for their opinion and once they give it to you, you realize you totally don’t agree and come to your own conclusion? I do. I do that a lot. I’m pretty sure it comes off as…I don’t know, rude, snotty, insert your own word here (I left my words in the bathroom) but I totally don’t intend it that way. Sometimes I just need to hear other options to reaffirm what I was already thinking or to put things in better perspective. In fact, the other person’s opinion has helped a great deal to help me understand what I don’t want and isn’t that just as important as knowing what you do want? Is it so bad that I don’t ALWAYS take other people’s opinions? I guess I ask for opinions a lot because I like to look at things from many perspectives so that I can judge (for myself) what option I like best. Just because I don’t take the idea doesn’t mean it’s not important to me or to my decision making process.

Just wanted to go on the record about that…

Meet my dogs...I mean children...

I’ve never had a dog or cat (it was only caged creatures for me growing up) so I never really understood just how much a dog is like a child. My co-workers have dogs and so while I spout stories of my kids they spout stories of their pets. The scary thing is they are eerily similar. I just heard one story about how she can’t keep her glass front screen door clean because her dog licks it constantly. I have the same trouble!!! My kids are constantly putting their face all over our glass front screen door and (Babe mostly) loves to lick it! LICK IT! What is that all about? Now, granted, if we happen to be on the other side of said door and she does that we laugh hysterically at her so perhaps we aren’t helping matters but we didn’t teach her that. I swear! That’s her innate dog coming out all on its own!

Every time I hear a story about a dog I invariable end up thinking “My children do the same thing!” There is hardly a story they tell that I can’t also apply to my kids. I guess I can use that point in an argument about why I don’t need to get a dog. I already have two and mine will grow up and not poop all over the floor anymore! (I hope)

Bath Time!

I HATE giving the kids a bath! Is that bad? I mean, I'm not talking weeks or anything but you know, maybe it's not so much top priority. They aren't the smelly kid in class (at least I hope not) but if I were a "good" mom I would totally give them one more often. Last night it was a must. I'm hoping Babe had a peanut butter sandwich for lunch because her hair was standing up on it's own. (you know, because if she did you know she smushed it in her hair, peanut butter = hair gel to her) It couldn't possibly be because I haven't washed her hair in a while. Right? Ok, in my defense she does get a bath more than her hair does. She loves the water but try washing her hair and she turns into hell baby! She WILL NOT lay her head back and I usually have to end up just dumping a bucket of water on her head. Of course she FREAKS out when I do this but it's either that or the Medusa look from the dried soap that would get left in. So to spare me  her that embarrassment I have to resort to drastic measures! So all you politically correct people that want to call the cops on me because I water torture my baby just STEP OFF! I'm doing my best!! At least I'm not giving my seven year old Botox! You heard that story right! At least I'm not her! At least that's what I keep telling myself!

Good day Mate!

Did you ever find yourself talking to someone with a very strong Australian or British accent and find it INCREDIBLY difficult to restrain yourself from talking back in the same type of accent! I’m trying so hard not to giggle and I actually have to force myself to talk “normally”!! Sorry Staples guy if I slipped up once...ok twice!!!!!