Wednesday, July 27, 2011

Good Housekeeping

How to get Lily to clean her house.
An excerpt from “The Practical Guide to Dealing With Lily.”

I’m not so good in the house chore area. (As I write this incredible understatement my husband, who’s at work and not with me, has the undeniable urge to guffaw and he’s not sure why.) My motto is “Eh, I’ll clean it tomorrow.” Our house only gets vacuumed when my husband can’t stand it anymore and does it himself. I might dust if Babe starts playing with dust bunnies and calls them by name. I may sweep my floors if I get sick of stepping on stuff and hurting my feet. It’s possible I’ll clean the toilet if Bud left particularly bad skid marks (quite amazing for a child of his size).  Heck, I might even fold the laundry that’s been sitting in the basket for a week if we don’t have any clothes left in our drawers. (Probably not)

However, if you really want to see results, if you must see your face in the bathroom mirror, if it’s vital for you to walk in a straight path through the house without stepping on toys, if it’s critical to have counters that aren’t sticky, then I recommend you tell me someone* is coming over in a very short period of time. Magically everything is in its place. Dare I say, things might even sparkle. You have never seen a more highly motivated, dedicated house cleaner than yours truly if a house guest is imminent. It truly is a miraculous transformation.

This amazing display of motivation was brought to the forefront yesterday when we got a call at 6:30 to say that a window salesman would be at the house at 7:00. (The only reason we agreed to this was because we entered a raffle to win three free windows and I can’t take a chance that this “visit” is to tell us that we won. Please be aware that I know full well I have a better chance of being the next American Idol then winning these windows. But I’m not chancing it people!)

Our house was literally sparkling! Empty boxes with no home found a home in a heap in the garage where we were certain the salesman wouldn’t go, toys got shoved into were put away in the toy closet, the mop saw the light of day. Did you know I have a really beautiful house? I didn’t either!

So we wait for the guy to show up. And waited. And waited. Yeah, he never showed up. I’m beginning to suspect my husband was lying and just wanted the house clean. Sneaky. Very sneaky!

*Excludes people who visit often and have already seen my house in disarray, i.e. parental units of either homeowner.

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  1. I'll never let McMister see this post. Your husband is way too clever!

  2. Hey that is an awesome idea. I just very well might use it. However I'd have to go with something beside windows. That one would never work with the DW.

  3. I'm totally like you. And, I'm not sure if your husband is guilty, but my husband would totally do something like that!

    The worst is when my husband invites someone over and doesn't tell me until there's a knock at the door. Oh the shame!