I got a phone call from my husband yesterday. It went like this:
Him: Where do you keep your nail polish remover?
Me: In the white cabinet. What did she do?
Him: Your children decided to paint each other’s fingernails and missed.
Me: Uh oh! Is it ALL over?
Him: I’ll clean up the furniture but I’m leaving your daughter for you.
Later, on my way home, I called to see how he was making out.
Him: Did you know nail polish remover takes the varnish off furniture?
Me: Uh, yeah actually, I did.
Him: Well, our crappy table is even crappier now.
Me: So how was the rest of your afternoon?
Him: Do you really want to know?
Me: Yes, of course!
Him: Well, I was spackling the bathroom and Babe came in to pee. (She’s able to get up on the toilet herself so he let her do what she had to.) She was peeing really loudly so I looked over and she had one foot up on the edge of the bowl and she was peeing so hard that it completely missed the toilet and was going onto the floor.
Me: Oh my God! Are you serious? (Trying like crazy not to burst out laughing!)
Him: Are you almost home yet?
I got home and this is what I found…
Please note that she has no pants on. My husband said after he got off the phone with me (while I was on my way home) she was sitting on the couch and she peed all over it.
After cleaning her up and putting new underpants and shorts on her, I started to make dinner.
While I was cutting up the chicken Babe decided she needed her sippy cup from the fridge. What I didn't know is that Bud had an uncovered cup of juice in front of her sippy cup. Behind me I hear SPLASH, SCREAM, CURSE WORD (foul language from my husband. I'm a bad mom who lets her kids do stuff they probably shouldn't but they do not curse, thank you very much.) She had tried to move the uncovered cup and instead tipped it over spilling the entire cup all over the fridge, the door, and the floor.
After we cleaned it all up and I changed her for a second time in about 20 minutes I finished cooking. I gave the kids their plates and started getting our plates ready when Bud yelled “MA! BABE WENT!” I looked over and sure enough, Babe is standing on her chair peeing all over it.
Never a dull moment.