Sunday, May 19, 2013

It's time

I've been wanting to say something for a while. I even have this really gut-wrenching unpublished post written in which I go on and on about how hard of a decision this has been and how I'm constantly doubting my decision because I don't want to tear our family apart. But recent events, better left unsaid here, have forced me to change my outlook on the situation. All doubt has vanished. I am getting divorced.

It still sucks, very very much sucks, but I believe in signs, little ways for God, or the universe, or whatever deity you believe in, to show you that you are making the right decision. I have made the right decision. It is time to move forward. It is not going to be easy. I'm scared out of my mind for what lies ahead. But - it is right. We are toxic for each other. We both deserve better. I cannot forget the past and so I will learn from it. 

The most important thing is that we work together - which will be hard since it's something we weren't able to do as husband and wife, but we have to - to ensure that the kids have the best life possible. We have to put aside our hurt, our resentment, our anger, grief, sorrow, pain, frustration, all of it needs to be put aside so that we can ensure our kids are happy and healthy and well cared for. I want our kids to see that sometimes things don't work out the way you expect, but you make the best of the situation and you move forward, always learning from the past so that you can make better decisions in the future. 

We failed. As husband and wife we failed each other. But it's an opportunity to show our kids that failure is not the end. It's a chance to reset, to start a different path, a brighter path and this time with road signs(!), with experience guiding you in a better direction and allowing you to navigate smarter. 

As much as I wish we could remain a family, I know this is right. We are getting divorced.



  1. Oh lady - I'm so sorry you are going through this. If you need to talk, or anything for that matter, reach out to me.

    Thinking of you...

  2. I am so sorry you have to go through with it, and at the same time, so happy that you are able to make a decision and stand by it. Know that all of us out here are thinking of you and praying for you. I commend you for doing what is best for you and for being so honest about it.

  3. "we are toxic for each other" - This is such a HUGE realization to have. Your children will be better for this - to learn that toxic friendships and relationships are not okay, and that sometimes it's best to move on. I'm sure this was not a decision you came to lightly. Hang in there Lily. :(

  4. Oh goodness, I don't know what to say but know that I am sending you big hugs. My parents got divorced when I was a kid and although it wasn't always easy, it also wasn't terrible and I absolutely think it was the best thing for everyone- even for my brother and me. They are both so much happier apart! I wish the same for you and your husband too. I think it takes a lot of courage to go through something so hard today in the hopes of a better tomorrow.

  5. Love ya!! Just think of all the new opportunities this is gonna open up for you....starting with a cool potential road trip :)

  6. Lily, I'm really sorry to hear this, but sometimes you have to do what you have to do. I wish you and your family all the best in the future. I'm sure you know this, but you're not alone. Lean on your family and friends (and blog buddies) for support as you move forward. :)

  7. It's a tough matter the circumstances. I was in your shoes when I was 23 with a small daughter.
    My thoughts are with you.
    Off topic...instagram name....#daynajones

  8. I am so sorry. It sounds like you have a great perspective and I will be praying that a fresh start is good for hte whole family.

  9. I am so sorry. I know this must be hard on you all, and I'm thinking about you. It sounds like you've got a pretty good outlook on it, though, and I know you're strong. I'm sending lots of good thoughts as you move into this next chapter of your life.

  10. Thank you for posting this. I just started reading your blog and stalking your IG this week....I'm actually trying to decide right now if a divorce would be many of the things you said were clarity for me. It was exactly what I needed to hear. Thank you again and may you feel God's blessing each and every day.

    Instagram @samtsu