It's time

I've been wanting to say something for a while. I even have this really gut-wrenching unpublished post written in which I go on and on about how hard of a decision this has been and how I'm constantly doubting my decision because I don't want to tear our family apart. But recent events, better left unsaid here, have forced me to change my outlook on the situation. All doubt has vanished. I am getting divorced.

It still sucks, very very much sucks, but I believe in signs, little ways for God, or the universe, or whatever deity you believe in, to show you that you are making the right decision. I have made the right decision. It is time to move forward. It is not going to be easy. I'm scared out of my mind for what lies ahead. But - it is right. We are toxic for each other. We both deserve better. I cannot forget the past and so I will learn from it. 

The most important thing is that we work together - which will be hard since it's something we weren't able to do as husband and wife, but we have to - to ensure that the kids have the best life possible. We have to put aside our hurt, our resentment, our anger, grief, sorrow, pain, frustration, all of it needs to be put aside so that we can ensure our kids are happy and healthy and well cared for. I want our kids to see that sometimes things don't work out the way you expect, but you make the best of the situation and you move forward, always learning from the past so that you can make better decisions in the future. 

We failed. As husband and wife we failed each other. But it's an opportunity to show our kids that failure is not the end. It's a chance to reset, to start a different path, a brighter path and this time with road signs(!), with experience guiding you in a better direction and allowing you to navigate smarter. 

As much as I wish we could remain a family, I know this is right. We are getting divorced.

Lily