Friday, March 21, 2014

When is it OK to forgive the unforgivable?

For privacy sake I’m not going to go into full details, but what is helpful to know is that I used to be best friends with someone until she completely betrayed my trust in one of the worst possible ways. At the time I really wanted to put it behind us and remain friends. I tried, but I just couldn’t. It was too raw and even though rational me said it was ok to forgive and forget, emotional me was all “Nut uh girl! She best be steppin!” 

It’s been almost  a year now and I’ve seen her a time or two but it was in passing and that was it. The hard part about this whole thing is that her son and Bud are best friends. Best, best, best friends! And this year they aren’t in the same class so they barely see each other at school and they don’t get to hang out outside of school either. As hurt as I was that still made me feel bad for the kids. They can’t control any of that and I hated to see them pay for it.

No one has ever faulted me for ending the friendship, in fact people thought I was crazy to even try to make it work. But, last night I saw her at the local ice cream place (ironically, the same place we met for the first time several years ago) and we chatted for a bit. I felt like I was meeting a past lover who I never got over. I realized how much I missed her! She’s fun and spontaneous, but also a planner, and we get along so well with no effort at all. 

I think I want to try to start up our friendship again. Part of me is excited at the prospect of having her as a friend again. The other part screams that I’m an idiot and if she could hurt me that badly once, she’s not going to hesitate to do it again. Am I just setting myself up for more pain? Or should I forgive her and move on? Maybe I’ve already forgiven her. Her actions were a catalyst for other things but they certainly weren’t the “reason” things went down the way they did. Maybe I should even thank her, because really everything has worked out for the best. I think maybe it will be easier to forgive than forget. But I think it might be worth a shot. I’m pretty sure we won’t ever be as close as we once were, but I think that’s ok. It will just be nice to have an old friend back, and someone to take excursions to the zoo with, and all the other things that I’m so bad about doing. So I think I’ll try to forgive…and if I’m lucky, even forget. 



  1. Wow. I can't believe you're even considering such forgiveness. You are far, far, FAR better than I am. I hope whichever decision you make leads to happiness for you and your kiddos. <3

  2. I couldn't do it, but I'm not a forgiver by nature. Follow your heart. :)

  3. I'm struggling with this too now. The person who was the best friend & worst friend I've ever had contacted me after Jaime died last week. We haven't talked in 3.5 yrs. I'm torn about what to do. I miss her, but I don't miss the drama, you know?

  4. Well, time heals all wounds. I know, that's the standard answer, so boring. But here's the thing. You're only really hurting yourself if you're not forgiving/forgetting. Because it's your thoughts and feelings. It's your emotions. Not her's. You gotta forget about it because it will eat you up inside. And once you forget about it, then you'll forgive.....good luck..