Marriage Is Hard Yo - A Guest Post

(Yeah, sooo...I guess I don't know how to schedule posts. Just found out this never posted on Friday. I'm sorry I suck, but here it is several days late.)
 
While I'm jet setting out West (does staying in the continental US count as jet setting?) (Please don't burst my bubble!) I'm going to keep you distracted with two guest posts (next one scheduled for Sunday). After that, I will most likely give you a big photo dump of Seattle. I'll say you're welcome in advance. You're Welcome!

One thing I love about the blogging community is it lets you know you are not alone. You are not the only one with crazy kids or a struggling marriage or a some crazy thoughts that you just need to share. I’ve been very fortunate to “meet” a lot of great bloggers who share their stories with me, some publicly, some privately. Today I’m opening my blog to someone who is also having marital problems and, like me, needs to write it out to sort through everything to try to make sense of the senseless. I recommend you click the two links at the beginning so you can catch up on the story.

Without further ado…

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So by this point you've probably read up on me and mine here where a sordid tale begins and you may even have tracked over to here where I am awash with friendly advice. Go ahead and catch up.

So a lot of thinking has taken place and I'm left with two undeniable conclusions. One, a post about the dating life post separation and divorce is going to be depressing as hell and two, I still love her.

She's got plans, plans that can't seem to happen fast enough. I fully expect to be served with some sort of separation agreement in the next few days and there is little I can do about it. She would like nothing more than for the us that was us to be finished. Someone is talking her into it. It would be great if this was merely a man as men don't scare me! They are easily as screwed up as I am. Her fears are being played like a finely tuned golden fiddle. This is almost masterful in its execution. Almost.

I don't plan to do anything about it either. I won't... I can't.

Jeremiah 29:11 (NIV) "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

I'm stupid. You're undoubtedly thinking it. How can you let her play you like this? Have you no backbone? Does she still hold your testicles in a satin lined box in her dresser? Well, here are your answers: neither she nor I is playing this game, I have all the backbone I need, and I don't require testicles for this.

Today, I read "Therefore I say to you, all things for which you pray and ask, believe that you have received them, and they will be granted you." (Mark 11:24 NASB)

Folks, I'm not asking for a million dollars. I'm not asking for a Ferrari. I'm not asking to meet Ghandi. I'm asking for what is already mine. I have a ring on my finger that symbolizes it. I already received it once, nay twice and I am patiently waiting the outcome of a battle that has already been won.

Do I have work to do? Yes.

Is it going to be hard work? Undoubtedly.

I've got to wrestle with my pride, I've got to offer forgiveness. I've got to see her point of view.

I've got to stop acting defeated and become hopeful. Frankly, I've got to get my chin up and stopped acting like a sullen asshat. I've got to separate my feelings and my attitude.

At some point I have to lay my fears on the line and risk them coming true.

This is a giant thing to overcome. To that giant, I say...

I've got my sling and I've certainly got my rock and I'll see you outside.

Stay tuned... 

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Lily