Can you hear the wedding bells?

Soooo...I'm getting married on Saturday!!! We had planned to be married in May 2017 but circumstances changed and we moved it up. 

(Let's get the bad news out so we can focus on the fun stuff.) My fiance's mother was diagnosed with stage 4 pancreatic cancer about a month ago. We couldn't possibly imagine getting married without her there so we made the easy decision to move it up. 

So with three weeks to go, we started planning a new, much smaller wedding. Amazingly, everything has come together so quickly and relatively easily. I think it's all meant to be this way. We got permission to be married on the campus where we both work. We found the perfect spot under a Willow tree, next to a stream, with a beautiful wrought iron bridge in the background. We will be surrounded by our closest family and friends and then we have rented out our favorite Mexican restaurant for an intimate linner (not a typo...we'll have it from 2-5pm so somewhere in the middle of lunch and dinner). 

I found my dress several months ago at a place near my mom's (about 4 hours from me) and planned to go back in January for the first fitting but when I called to explain the situation, the woman immediately promised to have it ready in time. I went down two weekends ago for the fitting and my mom will bring it up for me when she comes for the wedding. It's a little nerve wracking to not have a second fitting but I trust the woman. She's amazing at what she does and I have complete faith. 

We were able to secure the same photographer too! I fell in love with the photos from this company and signed contracts with them for May several months ago. I can't believe they had this weekend open, but like I said, it's meant to be! 

My girls planned to come up this summer to do dress shopping but were able to find an amazing dress on Amazon for $20 in the matter of hours!! They are the color I wanted and are an awesome Audrey Hepburn style! 

We had a few issues finding an officiant (everyone is on vacation!) but we finally nailed that down last week. She's a friend of the family and has been so flexible and amazing! 

We went shopping on Monday and found the perfect wedding bands in the matter of a few hours! We'll have to wait for them to be sized until after but that's a small price to pay. 

So really, everything has worked out so wonderfully! The whole reasoning behind this is heartbreaking and excruciating to think about but we are all focusing on the good that is happening and enjoying the time with his mom as much as possible. I'm incredibly excited to marry my best friend sooner than expected! Bud and Babe are excited too! 

So Saturday, July 30 is the day! Can you hear those wedding bells? I can and I'm smiling like a fool!!! 

Lily

Gettin' Hitched!

You guys!!! I’m engaged!!! LC proposed to me AND the kids on Monday and it was the most adorable thing! He started out by asking us to all go into our fancy living room. He then told the kids that he had a question to ask me but that he needed them to say yes too because if we all did then we’d be a family forever. I immediately started crying (happy tears, of course!). He had me unwrap the outer box and open up the ring box so I could see the little picture of us he stuck in there (so cute!). Then he took the box from my hand, got down on his knee and asked if I would marry him. Through my blubbering, I said yes and the kids started jumping around in happiness and we all hugged. LC made sure the kids knew my tears were happy tears and we all hugged again. He slipped the ring on my finger and I had to wipe away the tears to get a good look at it. It’s absolutely perfect! Simple and elegant! I couldn’t have picked out a better one if I tried and the fact that he never asked me a question about my preferences and just knew what would be right makes it a thousand times better!

The kids were both so excited but Bud was left speechless. He just kept smiling and hugging us both and I could tell he was just as excited as we were! It was adorable! He idolizes LC so he was just beside himself with joy. I don’t think Babe fully understood what was happening but our excitement made her excited.

Everything was perfect! Everything is perfect! Life is so, so good!

#happy

It's so sparkly!

Lily

The Perfect Day

Things have been crazy hectic lately. I had to work late for most of last week and it ended up that I didn’t get to see the kids for a whole week! By Friday I was having serious withdrawals and was seriously itching to spend some real good quality time with them! Friday was pretty decent so we got outside a little bit. Saturday we had to run some errands (including buying new shoes because they suddenly have monster feet) but it was cold so we didn't stay out long. But we had to get out there for a short time to try out their new skates!

But Sunday! Oh Sunday! It was glorious! The weather was warm, the sun was shining, and we couldn’t WAIT to get out there! We spent pretty much the whole day outside and it was everything we needed! We started out at the park next to our old apartment. As we walked by the old place, Bud turned to LC and said excitedly, “Look! That’s where we first met you!” My heart could not get any more full!

Best Bud's

This old school jungle gym makes for the best pretend play!

LC is a workout fiend. So for him, all the world is a gym...

Don't you want to smack him for making this look so effortless?

Notice how Bud is closely observing and then had to join in! :-)

Ok, so this next picture is by far my favorite thing ever. LC was trying to get out of the jungle gym and decided to go out the top. It was NOT easy. He had to get his legs up through and then flip over. This first picture was him trying to get his legs over.

This makes me laugh all the laughs!

Got one leg! It looks like he's breakdancing in the air!

He made it! LOL!

(I also tried after him and made it, but I was so thankful he didn't pull out the camera!)

Here he is helping Babe on the teeter totter while getting in some squats! LOL!

And some tricep presses 

(if I got the exercise wrong, mea culpa)

The rest of the day we spent outside playing on the driveway and in the yard. We have a nice set up! Before dinner Bud pulled out one of his Christmas presents (that was packed shortly after Christmas in anticipation of the move) and we excevated some pretty rocks from a bit of plaster. The kids really had a great time with this!

We rounded out the evening with some more time on the driveway after dinner. I showed Bud some of my razor scooter skills and Babe followed us around on her skates. It was the perfect end to a perfect day!  

Lily

It's my Blog-aversary!

Yesterday marked 4 years since I started blogging! Can’t believe it’s been that long (while at the same time I can’t believe that’s all it has been)! I wish I had kept up the pace all these years, but I’m still happy to have this place waiting for me when I have something to say. It’s been a roller coaster for a while now, but I’m so thankful that I’m on a major upswing these days! Let’s cover a few things, shall we?

The house is coming along nicely! If you recall, I bought this GEM recently.

I still can’t believe it’s ours! The outside is completely perfect. Sure, we might add a swing set in the summer, maybe do a little planting here and there, but if we left it as is, it would be still be absolutely perfect! 

The inside however…well that leaves a little to be desired! The previous owner liked red. A lot! A lot, a lot! So these last few weeks we've been working to make it NOT red! So far, we are making good progress. For instance, our living room…

Bye-bye red!

Different angle (better shot of the color)

It took a lot of hours with all that trim (that had gold and black to cover…yes, she had gold and black painted everywhere to accent the red!) but it was all worth it! I absolutely LOVE the way it came out! And how about those doors?!

We are still working on the master bedroom. Don’t you just love the red pastoral scenes? BARF!

Different angle...more red! 

(But look at those windows!)

All the paper is off now and we have started priming it. The walls are cement board so it’s going to take several layers of primer to make it look good. When it’s done it’s going to be chocolate and mint! Can’t wait!

The last project before we officially move in is the family room. This is what it looked like at the start of yesterday...

After scraping away all the red, we found…PINEAPPLES!

Extreme close up!

[Insert Sponge Bob jokes here]

Aren’t they nauseating beautiful?! Actually, it’s pretty cool because this paper is VERY old! The seller left behind a folder of history on the house, including some old pictures from around the 1920’s-1940’s. In one of the pictures you can clearly see this wallpaper, so it’s incredibly old! I find that cool! (But also ugly.) We aren’t sure yet if we’ll paint over it or undertake the tedious task of scraping it all off. Neither is going to be easy, so we have to decide soon. Once we are done, this room will be green on top with white below the chair rail. Can’t wait!!

The house has been consuming most of our time lately, but we haven’t let that stop us from having a good time in other areas as well. For instance, my dad and I took Bud to his first NY Rangers game last weekend! OMG you guys!! I’m not sure who was more excited!! He kept saying “I can’t believe I’m really here! I can’t believe I’m one of thousands that gets to come!” (At first he said “hundreds” and I had to tell him it was WAY more than hundreds…that made him in awe even more!) It was such a great night (helped by the fact that they spanked the Hurricanes!) and one I will never forget!! I don’t think he will either!!

You have to have a soft pretzel when you go! He thoroughly enjoyed this tradition!

Babe is a bit too young for a Rangers game (attention span, interest, etc.) so my mom spoiled her at a kid’s spa for the evening! Talk about exciting! This place was amazing! It couldn't have been more perfect for her!! She had her nails and toes done and a blue hair extension put in! She was in her glory! 

She just belongs in a place like this!

She never misses an opportunity to ham it up!

So yes, we've been busy these last few weeks but enjoying every second! Here’s to another year!

Lily

Next Week

You guys! See that house! That's going to be MY house...next week!! Holy Good God I'm so excited!! I cannot wait to become a homeowner again! This will be the 3rd home that I've owned, so I know it's not all sunshine and roses, but I am SO SICK of renting and dealing with landlords and having my kids shoved into one bedroom! This is a four bedroom house on a half acre of land! Yes please!!! 

I really feel like this is my new beginning. I've been in a suspended state of transition for so long and I am SO READY to be settled! This will be my 7th move in 10 years. So very ready to settle! 

Talking to my family and friends, I try to put into words how happy I am with where I am in life and how happy I am in my relationship with LC. It's not easy to express the level of happiness I feel. I appreciate him more than words can express. It is true that my point of view is slightly altered because of what I dealt with for so long, but it doesn't change how wonderful he is, all it does is make me more appreciative of what I have now. As one friend commented, "Welcome to a healthy relationship." I think that sums it up perfectly. I feel so relieved to be appreciated and respected and valued. Those are really no-brainers in a relationship, I know, but I didn't have that for almost a decade. The shift is indescribable! Did I mention I'm happy?

As I get closer to closing on the house, my excitement level is increasing exponentially! I can't wait to paint and arrange and decorate and all the other stuff that goes along with it! We have decided to delay our move-in so that we can get all the painting done before our stuff is in there. We have a LOT of painting to do. The previous owner liked red...a lot!!! Everything is red! Even the molding has red stripes! It's going to be oh-so-fun to cover but YAY for good primer! We'll make all. the. red. ancient history!

Speaking of ancient history...the house was built in 1837!! How cool is that?! It's the second oldest home still standing in the town! It's one of the few homes that escaped the great fire of the town in the 1860's. As you can see, it's brick, which I love! I grew up in a brick house so there's a lot of sentimental attachment for me. The previous owner bought it in disrepair but spent the last 11 years fixing it up and restoring it. I am hugely benefiting from her hard work! The brick was all repointed and everything is in tip-top shape! 

My Pinterest boards are blowing up with new ideas and fun ways to decorate and make it my own. One of the things I'm most appreciative about is the full support that LC gives me with this whole thing. As a typical guy, he doesn't particularly care about the color we choose or the style we go with, but he indulges me and goes with me to pick things out and is fully invested when we do. He doesn't put down my choices or make me feel like I don't know what I'm doing. He has great ideas and is great at making decisions and he supports my decisions, not just in words, but in his actions. He backs up his words with the way he treats me and responds to me and works with me. Again, welcome to a healthy relationship! It's a breath of fresh air and it makes me truly excited about this whole process. I know I won't have the stress I used to have in these situations. I know he's in it with me and that means everything. And it makes everything so much more exciting!

Thankfully the house is really in move-in condition. All the changes we are going to make are style choices (I choose not old lady style). I will be taking lots of pictures as we transform the house into our home. I hope to detail it here, but let's be real, it will probably be one post with a massive photo dump...but who doesn't love a photo dump?!

NEXT WEEK AND IT'S MINE!!! WOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Lily

Changes

There have been some changes in my life over the course of the last year or so (#understatement). One of the biggest changes has been my ability to be a mother to my children. Trying to define what being a “bad mom” means isn’t easy and is highly subjective. My kids have always been loved and cared for, but when I was still married I wasn’t winning any Mom of the Year awards. I knew it, my ex made sure I knew it, and that only made things worse. The feelings of inadequacy, knowing that you are being judged by your spouse, the stress and anxiety of dealing with a bad marriage, it all combined to make me less than present for my children. I knew I wasn’t doing the best I could, but I also couldn’t bring myself to fix it. I hid from it, from them. Everything had me on edge and I couldn’t handle the little things. I know now that a very big part of it was that I wasn’t allowed to have “me” time. I was made to feel guilty about liking different things or wanting to do something that didn’t involve them. I knew in my heart it was ok to want to take care of me, but that didn’t help the guilt (I was raised Catholic after all!) when I was constantly told I must not love them if I didn’t want to be with them at all times. That’s all pieces of why I ended my marriage. I couldn’t be the person/mother/wife I knew I could be. I wasn’t allowed to be the person/mother/wife I knew I could be. I felt like I was always gasping for air.

I am a new person. Or, rather, I’m finally the person I knew I could be. Happiness is a powerful state of being. Not only can I BE THERE for my children, I WANT to be there for them. I can actually enjoy them and revel in those “their only small once” moments. I am able to step back in those stressful moments and smile and joke and ease the tension. I can show my kids how to deal with stress and how to love each other whole-heartedly. They are learning to love by example and it’s because I’m present now to show them.

A lot of my happiness stems from being with a person who respects me, appreciates me, and encourages me to be myself, with all my faults...and he loves me anyway. He does not ask me, nor expects me, to define myself in relation to him. It’s such a simple thing, but it has completely changed my life.

I finally feel like I am acceptable the way I am, I can mother the way I know is best for me and my kids, I can explore new avenues of myself without fear of judgment or backlash, and I am becoming a role model for my kids. That one is the most important to me. I can show my kids that happiness is the norm, acceptance is good, narrow-mindedness is not a virtue, and finding yourself is the most important thing you can do.

There is one more change that is coming down the pipe. I am finally going to be settled in a way I haven’t been for over 14 years. I’m finally going to have a home that I will live in for a very long time! I don’t want to say anything about the house specifically because things are still in the beginning stages, but I need to comment on the significance of this next step.

Shortly after my sister died we moved to a new house, and very shortly after that (two weeks) I went away to college. Looking back, I can see I have never felt settled from that point on. I’ve owned two homes and rented numerous places in the last 14 years, but none of them have felt like home. I was never fully invested in any of those places. I never fully unpacked in any of them. One place in particular, I never even hung a single thing on the walls and boxes remained in almost every room. I couldn’t bring myself to invest in furniture or décor or do anything to make it feel like something other than temporary. I got close in my last house. We renovated it from top to bottom, and there were a few stamps of ownership there, but it was still lacking something. It was lacking happiness.

I haven’t even closed on this new house yet, but I already feel settled. I feel ready to let go of all the things I’ve schlepped from one place to the next, always hanging on because I didn’t know if I’d need it in the next place. Nothing has happened yet but I already feel lighter. I know this will be where I live and where I raise my children to be well-adjusted, happy adults. This is the last step to pass into the next chapter in my life. I can close the door on the transient lifestyle I somehow found myself in. I can put down roots, finish the things I’ve wanted to accomplish, and really invest in my future.

I am so excited for this next chapter, to close the door on the transition phase and finally live in the present. It’s so simple, yet has been such a long journey. It’s been quite the journey, but I’ve made the right changes to get onto the path that’s meant for me. **Deep exhale** 

Lily

Piseco 2014

Today we made our annual trek to Piseco (in the Adirondacks) to hike Panther Mountain! It's a family tradition that I am determined to carry on no matter what our family configuration is! (And the current configuration is almost more than I could ask for!) Today was a great day for a hike! Last year it was cold, foggy, and rainy. Today was partly sunny, mild, and just about perfect for a hike! 

The kids were so excited to show LC all the highlights of the trail. LC is always showing them new things that he knows a lot about, so they loved being the ones to show him new things this time!

Bud was our "leader" and did a great job scouting out the trail (for muddy spots). Thankfully there weren't too many bad spots. 

He took his job seriously!

The hike is .6 miles. It's the perfect amount, with plenty of great places to stop for a rest. We come to our favorite resting spots about half way up. The legendary Big Rock and Chair Rock!!

For the last three years I've taken the kid's picture on the "chair rock" as close as I can to the same position each year. I think it's so much fun to see them grow from year to year. 

2014

2013

(Too wet to stretch out like usual)

2012

We decided we needed to start a chair rock picture series for ourselves too. 

Hopefully we don't "grow" for next year's picture!

And of course we have to take a picture on the big rock!

2014

2014

2013

(again, too wet to sit!)

2012

2011

(Could they be any littler?)

We had a great view from the top this year! Thankfully, there is always people at the top willing to take a picture for us. 

This one is my favorite!

Bud took this one. 
We need to give him lessons on how to take straight pictures. Until then, we'll call his work "artistically angled." 

This year was nice because we didn't start up the mountain until the afternoon so we were the last ones left at the top and had it to ourselves for quite a while. That was a new experience that made it even more fun. The kids were able to really explore and have fun, without me following behind making sure they weren't being rude or disrespectful to the other people. 

Now please prepare yourself for a photo dump. I think they tell the story better than any words!

Trail head

(which requires a boxing stance?)

This tree was uprooted before our trip last year...perhaps another annual picture is in the making

Jumping is fun!

For everyone!

I mean everyone!

Even me!

Bud insisted I take their picture on the jumping rock!

#mountainselfie

#lookslikeaselfiebutmomjustlikescloseups

Love this one!

And this one

Why do it yourself, when a big strong guy can lift you right up?

She's getting so grown up!

This guy too!

There's some serious friendship between these two

Notice Bud is always right next to LC

Another very successful Piseco Trip!

("Artistically angled" and otherwise!)

Lily